After Allegiant
by hazelrothprior
Summary: Tris POV I wake with my eyes sealed shut, as if a weight rests upon them, forcing them closed. My chest is tight, and I can only just breathe to keep me stable. My hands are curled into fists, so tight, I cannot move them. My knees are locked like everything else in my body and I am still. Still. Unmoving. Unable to move.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Tris

I wake with my eyes sealed shut, as if a weight rests upon them, forcing them closed. My chest is tight, and I can only just breathe to keep me stable. My hands are curled into fists, so tight, I cannot move them. My knees are locked like everything else in my body and I am still.

 _Still. Unmoving._ Unable to move.

His name rests in my mouth, my throat, my chest.

 _Tobias._

Where is he? Does he know I'm not dead? Does anyone? My throat tightens as the thought tears its way through me… am I actually alive? Or is this just a fragment of my imagination, a side effect of dying? The thought plays in my mind, over and over again until I can't bear it any longer, someone must know I'm alive.

I hear what I believe to be a faint shuffle not far from me, but push the thought aside. It must be my imagination, a side effect, it _must_ be. I here distant voices speaking in a hushed monotone not far from where I remain unmoving.

Stop.

A voice says in my head.

 _Stop._

It's not true, you're dead. _Dead._

He shot you, he shot you in the head, the chest. You're _dead._

But there's something in me, something stronger than any pain, any relief, something hopeful, telling me I'm alive. I'm _alive._

It can't be, but I feel that it is, that it's true. That I am alive just as I was in the Erudite headquarters, _alive._ The word surges through me like an electric charge, giving me strength and I feel tingling in my toes, my shins, my knees. I'm alive, I say. _Alive._ Tingling in my thighs, my hips. _Alive! Alive!_ Tingling in my stomach, my chest, my neck. _Alive!_ My eyes open.

My eyes open and in the corner, I see a figure. _Tobias!_ A voice screams in my head. It has to be, it must be. He saved me and brought me here, away from everything else, away from the pain and blood we shed, away from the tears and the war waged against the city.

But no, as my eyes adjust to the dim light dancing across the polished, white walls, I see that it is not him. It is not him or Christina, or Caleb, or Peter. Not Mathew, Zoe or Nita. The figure sits straighter, as if noticing I'm awake, her sleek, blonde hair falling neatly over her shoulders, her piercing, blue eyes, staring into mine. It is then that I notice the figure is definitely not Tobias.

 _Jeanine._

 **Sorry for the shortness of this chapter guys, the next few chapters are longer :D**

 **~ hazelrothprior**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Tris

"Hello, Tris."

Everything inside me comes crashing down, the world swallowing me whole. Jeanine is dead, I am dead. _Dead._ This is all my imagination, a side effect of death. A simulation, a simulation used to toy with the mind as if created by the devil himself. A simulation used to trick humanity into a false sense of security; to give them a shred of hope before all is taken away before them.

"It's nice to see you." She says standing and making her way toward me. "I never thought you'd wake up."

I want to scream at her, tell her she's wrong. That I'm not awake, that I am dead and so is she. But all I manage is a small croak, only loud enough to be heard by a mouse.

"This isn't real." I say.

To my surprise she hears me and laughs, laughs so hard I'm afraid she might collapse into a heap in front of me.

"I never thought you were this naive." She says, her breath tickling my nose and forcing me to supress a sneeze.

"It's just a simulation, isn't it?" I say, not being able to bear the thought that I may have been alive.

"Tris." She says sternly but condescending, as if explaining her plans to a child.

"Do you really think David would shoot and kill you without finding information from you first? Information that keeps you from resisting every simulation and serum ever administered to you, information that could create a serum that even the strongest divergent, like yourself, would be able to resist?" She spits the word divergent as if it leaves a vile taste in her mouth. She looks at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to agree. But I don't, I won't. Not after all the simulations I've been through and all the hallucinations I've had to endure. This is just another one of them, I know it, I can _feel_ it. But something deep inside of me screams that it is real, longing for it to be real. To be real so I can see Tobias just one more time, feel his lips against mine, his hands secured around my waist, the smell of wind filling me with the sense of security I feel when I'm with him.

"Where's Tobias?" I say.

"Tobias?" She spits the word like venom. "You've been in a coma for four months and all you can think about is Tobias?!"

I stare at her, her words playing over and over in my mind. Four months. I've been unconscious for _four whole months_.

"Yes." I croak.

"You stupid girl." She glares at me. "You stupid, selfish girl!" She's yelling now.

Her anger fills the room as she screams at me.

"The city could be in ruins, everyone could be dead! _Dead!_ And all you're thinking about is Tobias!" She pauses to glare at me, her icy, cold eyes piercing my skin like daggers, digging further and further into my skin.

"Why do you even care?!" I don't know why, but I scream at her, tears streaming down my cheeks, unable to be controlled.

"Why does it matter to you if I actually care about someone, someone other than the city or the world, if he's important to me?!" I'm sobbing uncontrollably, feeling the strength leave my bones as screams of desperation escape my body.

"You can change this world, help it for the greater good, and thinking of its wellbeing doesn't even cross your mind?"

She stares at me, her expression unreadable. I stare back, unable to control the sobs that leave me at an alarming rate.

"He's important to me." I repeat, calming down. "And I want, I _need_ to see him."

She gets up as if to leave the room and says something over her shoulder.

"If that's really something you want, I suggest you give up because it's going to be a very long time before you will ever get the chance to see him again."

With that, she turns and leaves to room.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Tobias

I wake groggily to the mindless beeping of the alarm clock next to me. Tris used to wake me up every morning, but things are different now. No arms around me while I sleep, no legs intertwined, no good morning. I attempt to shake off the feeling that keeps me in bed every morning and walk to the bathroom, turning the cold faucet in the shower on full blast. It's good to shower with the door wide open again, but I would trade everything just to have Tris by my side again.

I agreed to meet up with Christina today, just to see how things are going with her. People often let me stand in the way of their grief, as if I am the only person who ever loved Tris, which is true in some sense, but Christina loved her as a friend, and she grieves almost as much as I do.

The cold water makes its way down my back, waking me up instantly. Stepping out of the shower, the cold air hits my chest and I shiver violently. It's 10:07am, and I'm due to meet Christina in about half an hour. I dry myself quickly and reach for the clippers that lie on the basin in front of me, turn them on and begin to half-heartedly shave my head, just as I did in back in Abnegation. My hand glides carefully over my ears and scalp, not leaving a scratch and my mind shifts to Tris. My Tris. Everything about her was so perfect, so beautiful, I should have known not to leave her and go to the city. I knew it was something she would do, but I did it anyway. I. Let. Her. Die.

I shudder and the blade scrapes my ear, blood dripping down my left shoulder, staining my bath towel. Instead of stopping it, I let it seep in and drip down the rest of my body. Blood is a strange colour, dark. It leaves prominent, dark red lines down my left leg, and I don't bother to wipe it off, I just watch it as it makes its way down toward the floor and collects in a small puddle on the floor. I hear a faint knock on the door and look at the clock, 10:32am. Christina's here.

I quickly hang up my bath towel and throw on a plain black shirt, the same shirt I wore when I lead Tris down to the rocks at the bottom of the chasm, where I confessed my love for her. I grab the nearest pair of black pants, put them on and walk out of the bathroom to answer the door, not bothering to clean up the puddle of blood on the floor.

I answer the door to a red faced, puffy eyed Christina. She straightens up when she sees me, trying and failing to hide the fact that she's been crying.

"Hi." She says quietly.

"Hi." I say back, stepping out of the doorway so that she can come in.

"How have you been?" she asks, walking into my apartment and taking a seat on one of the dining room chairs.

"Not much better." I answer honestly, trailing behind her.

"Neither." She shakes her head and looks down at the ground, as if wishing Tris to appear out of it. I have the same wish sometimes, I wish that this was all one big set up, that Tris would someday walk through the door to my apartment and yell 'Surprise!' and everything would go back to normal. But wishing is for children, and I know that wishes and dreams like that are impossible to achieve.

Christina looks up at me, her eyes watery. I stare back, not just to comfort her, but to comfort myself. I have noticed over the last few months, that the situation will never get easier, you will only get stronger. Christina and I rely on each other for strength. Neither of us will ever admit it, being the Dauntless we are, but both of us know it; it is always just silently floating between us. We are each other's strength and we will mend each other, no matter what.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Tris

That night I dream of Tobias. Tobias in Abnegation. Tobias in Dauntless.

My Tobias.

I lay still for a few minutes letting the cold of the metal tray seep into my bones, making me shiver. I hear steady, indignant footsteps making their way towards me and in an instant a blinding white light fills my vision, making it impossible to see. I have to squint to see the figure in the corner of the room.

"Hello Beatrice." says the figure.

I let my eyes adjust.

"Jeanine." I say.

"Did you sleep well?" she asks.

"As well as could be expected." I reply.

She nods somewhat disapprovingly.

"Today we will run the first of our tests," she says after a seemingly long pause, "so I expect you to cooperate to the best of your ability."

"Or what?" I say, she can't kill me, she won't. She hasn't found out what she needs to know.

"Killing you isn't the worst we can do Beatrice, you of all people should know that."

I do. I do know that. I remember all too well how Jeanine got the information for the locations of the factionless safehouses. I swallow hard, shoving the memory deep down inside me.

But then I remember, I remember that the last time she ran an endless string of tormenting tests on me, she failed. I broke her. _I broke her_. How does she expect to succeed this time?

"The last time you ran tests on me, Jeanine, you failed."

"A lot of work has gone into these examinations since then, Beatrice, along with the knowledge of those outside the fence." She answered my question as though she prepared for it before she came in.

I stare at her, stunned. She prepared for this. She knew I was going to come back to be tested. _She knew_. Did she plan my fake death? Or was it simply an obstacle she had to overcome 'for the greater good'?

She just stares at me, as if waiting for me to say something, but all I can do is stare at her, a whirlwind of questions in my head. Her eyes are penetrating into my surface, breaking me piece by piece and I feel small, smaller than ever.

"Shall we get started?" She says with concerning enthusiasm after a longer than normal pause.

I swallow hard.

"Yes." I say.

 **Sorry for the shortness of this chapter everyone, I have been very busy recently and have not had enough time to write full chapters.**

 **I promise the next few chapters will be longer :D**

 **Thanks! - hazelrothprrior**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Four

Christina and I talk for what seems like hours, but is only for around 40 minutes. We talk just like we do every time we meet, trying to avoid the subject, but failing; it's the reason we are here together. Not many words are spoken between us, but it always feels like too much. Christina cries. Again. I suppose I can't blame her, I sometimes do as well, but never when she is around, it would be a sign of weakness.

After a half-heartedly drank coffee, a few tears on Christina's part and very few, yet heavily necessary words spoken between the two of us, Christina leaves.

The door to my apartment shuts slowly and I watch as the gap joining me and the outside world gets smaller and smaller until it's gone.

I throw on the jacket nearest to me and head out the door, a solid two minutes after Christina leaves, hoping the hallway is clear. I step out into the corridor, shutting the door behind me and proceed down the hall, my footsteps heavy and insistent.

I feel for the small black box in my jacket pocket and run my fingers along the side of it, feeling for any infraction along its smooth sides. It still contains two syringes instead of one, even though I don't plan on doing this with anyone else. I turn the corner at the end of the hall and head into the craziness of the Pit, passing the chasm and the tattoo parlour. I head up the metal steps to the higher levels of the dauntless compound one by one, careful not to put too much of my weight on each stair, afraid it might break and I will fall several meters below. My hands start to sweat and I shudder violently, throwing myself off balance. _Stop_ a voice says in my head, _focus_. I steady my breathing and make my way up the last of the steps, breathing a sigh of relief as I reach the top.

I head left toward the fear landscape room and gingerly open the door, shedding light on the brick walls and dingy floors. I stand in the middle of the room, my hands shaking. _Stop_ I say. _You have done this before_. I have done this before, but now is different. Before, none of my fears ever came true, they were just simulations, just fragments of my imagination trying to scare me. Before, I never thought my fears would become reality. But things are different now; everything is different now she is gone. My Tris. Gone forever.

I grit my teeth so hard it hurts and open the black box with a shaking hand, almost dropping the contents all over the ground. I stick the syringe in the side of my neck, thinking that if Tris were here now, she would be ashamed of me. Ashamed of how childish I am acting; ashamed that I am not able to take care of myself anymore. I feel pain prickle down the side of my neck and push down the plunger, feeling the serum make its way inside me. I take a breath in and wait.

But nothing happens.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

Tris

Jeanine walks over to the corner of the room and I here faint buzzing noises, followed by a loud beep. My hands start to shake, my palms sweating. When I went into my mother's arms, I thought I would be done with this, done with this endless hell of tests and simulations; done with days and days of little food and exhaustion. But I'm back here again, and I don't know what is going to happen next.

The shaking moves down to my fingertips and up my arms, and soon my entire body is under its spell. I steady my breathing and think of Tobias, think of his last words to me, _see you soon_ he said. It occurs to me now, that if I had died, they _would_ be his last words to me. But I have the power now to not let that happen, to see him soon.

A fire burns within me and I realize that now I have a chance, I have a choice to start again, even though I never really ended. I force myself to hold on, to be strong, if not for me; but for him. I've done this before. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

When I open my eyes again, Jeanine is standing over me, holding a syringe between her forefinger and index finger, a bright purple liquid inside it, swaying from side to side. My blood freezes, another simulation. _Just another simulation_ , I say to myself and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly in a failed attempt to calm myself down.

"What is it?" I ask shakily, my voice sounding like a strangled cat.

Jeanine eyes me carefully before answering.

"It is called a paralytic simulation transmitter, which, when put simply, paralyses you whilst the simulation takes place and transmits all information from the brain to a large computer system. The computer system then analyses the information sent via the neurotransmitters in the serum and sends it elsewhere for further examination." She says. She must noticed my blank, stunned expression because she than adds, "It is a new development based on the failed attempts from the last examination."

I feel my blood freeze, it has been improved. Enhanced to be more effective, to give Jeanine and the rest of the bureau the information they need. I swallow hard, attempting to eradicate my fear and focus. _This is just another simulation_ , I tell myself. I am divergent. _Divergent_. I can, I _will_ survive this. I have too.

Jeanine leans closer to me, her blonde hair inches from my face and sticks the needle in the side of my neck, sending shooting pains down my right side. She pushes down on the plunger and I feel the serum make its way into me. It surges through my veins until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and I am still. Completely still. Jeanine told me the serum was paralytic, but it still makes me feel weak and unsettled. I hear a door open in the corner of the room and freeze, despite being already frozen.

"Where is she?" A familiar voice says.

Everything inside me stops. I know that voice. I know it. My brain and my heart turn to mush and I can't focus, can't think. Can't move. In my mind, I shake in anticipation, despite being paralysed and try with all the strength I have just to open my eyes, to see the voice in the corner of the room. To see _him_. _Tobias!_ I silently scream, _Over here!_ I focus everything I have inside of me on trying to open my eyes, but nothing happens. I try to move my mouth, but nothing happens. Then I remember, I remember the name of the serum. PST: Paralytic simulation transmitter. _Paralytic_. I am paralysed, unable to move. Everything inside me crashes, exploding the world around me. This isn't real. Tobias isn't here.

My eyes open suddenly and I crane my neck toward the door, seeing nothing. No one. I let out a shaky breath and try to supress a sob that is rising within me. It was so real; he was so close I could almost touch him. I was almost there.

 **This is a small edition to this chapter because of its short length and terrible dialogue and storyline (It is exams week at the moment and I haven't had much time to write anything decent). The next few chapters are a lot better :D**

 **Jeanine pulls me out of the simulation and types in additional information into her computer. She must notice my distraught look as she stares at me a little too long.**

 **"** **That was pathetic." She says after a lengthy pause.**

 **I look down at my hands which are trembling in fear and anticipation. I feel a tear slide down my cheek and hear a soft** ** _plop_** **when it hits the metal table beneath me.**

 **I nod slowly, but say nothing.**

 **It was barely a simulation, but it broke me. I am not strong. I am not Dauntless.**

 **Not without him.** ** _My Tobias_** **.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Tobias

I stand shakily in the centre of the room, waiting for something. Anything.

My palms start to sweat, followed by shaking movements that take over my entire body. The shaking causes my knees to buckle and I collapse violently on the floor, scraping my shins in the process. I try and slow my breathing. _Nothing has happened yet, you pansycake_ I say to myself. I try to figure out why I am feeling this fear despite having not yet started hallucinating; why I am on the floor, shaking like a little boy about to be struck by my parents. I try and slow down everything, breathing in and out, in and out. I try and slow my heart rate, but nothing happens.

My mind is racing, _why am I feeling this way? Why am I shaking in terror before anything has even happened?_ I am anticipating a fear that has not yet appeared and I am waiting, preparing myself to run.

That's it. _That's it._ I am scared something that hasn't even appeared; I am scared of my own fear.

Everything inside me stops. I am scared of something that doesn't even exist. I am scared of fear itself.

"This is ridiculous!" I scream, even though I know no one can hear me. It's ridiculous that fearing fear has brought me to my knees, has turned me into a child, has shaken and corrupted me; has turned me into a coward. I try and stand, hoping that would eradicate the terror that sinks deeper and deeper into my bones. I shift my weight to my left leg than shakily transfer it to my right, which is even weaker than before. I straighten up and stand unsteadily on my feet.

I can't be afraid of fear itself. That's insane. How can I be Dauntless if I fear…fear? This can't be possible. I will not let myself be afraid of fear, it's not right.

This is just a simulation; a hallucination. It's not real. I am Divergent, I can…

I stop suddenly and my blood runs cold. I remember Matthew's words to me. 'It means you are not Divergent, your genes are still damaged'. I am not Divergent. I am damaged. I can't control this. I break down, everything inside collapsing. I fight every urge in my body not to sob like a child, my vision going blurry at the edges. I shake so much I can't hold myself up and fall to the floor, ashamed of my childish, cowardice behaviour. I am nothing. Nothing without her. I am weak. Afraid of fear. Damaged.

I shake and shudder, fear consuming every inch of my body until suddenly it's over. The black disappears and I am back in the fear landscape room with dingy brick walls and old, Dauntless graffiti again. I'm in a daze, lying on the floor cradling my knees, my throat sore from screaming. I let out a long shaky breath and stand up, ashamed of my cowardice. Ashamed of what I have turned into without Tris by my side. I stand unsteadily, picking up the black box and head toward the door. My steps are heavy and indignant, determined to be free of this room.

I stop dead in my tracks and see Zeke standing in the doorway, a chord in his left hand. He pulled the plug, brought me out of the simulation.

I stare at him blankly, embarrassed to be seen in such a state. He stares back and I wonder if he is ashamed at what I have become, a coward. A man who has let grief and fear take over his life. A man who can't take care of himself. A man who is damaged.

"I asked Christina where you were and she said she left your apartment about two hours ago." He says.

I stare at him, shocked. Two hours? I was in the simulation for _two whole hours_?

"I went to your apartment to check on you and knew that you were here the second you didn't answer the door…which wasn't locked by the way." He states.

I nod, unable to speak.

"You can't keep doing this man," He says, "I know she's gone and I know it's hard, but what I just saw…It's…It's…." He stops, unable to continue.

I stare at him somewhat expectantly, but also not wanting to hear what he has to say.

"It's not right." He finishes.

I stare at him, this time filled with anger. How _dare_ he.

"Not right?!" I yell. I am breaking.

"Not _right_?! I lost her, Zeke. I _lost_ her!" I shake uncontrollably, I can't break down here, now, in front of Zeke.

"I know man, I know it's hard. Believe me, I _know_ ," He stares at me with grief in his eyes, "When I lost Uriah, God, I thought I was never going to make it, I thought I would never be the same again. But I did, why? Because I had to," He looks at me for a moment before continuing, "Does it ever get easier? No. But do we get through it? Yes, because we have to, we _need_ to. And we will always pull through, no matter what."

"I can't Zeke, I _won't_." I say, my voice breaking. _Stop_ I tell myself.

"Yes you will, Four." He says sternly.

I look at him. He looks back.

"I know you loved her man, believe me, I saw it. But she would want you to continue, to be the man she knew and loved, to be strong and courageous, to be _brave_." He says.

I look at him, he's right. I need to do this for her, to prove that I am still the man that she left, not some hopeless coward who can't take care of himself. But it's hard, so hard to live without her. To live without her arms around me, to wake up every morning and know that she isn't there beside me. To live knowing that she is. Never. Coming. Back.

I swallow hard, pushing my cowardice aside and look Zeke in the eye. He looks back, expecting me to say something. But all I can do is nod.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Tris

"Thank you, Tris." Jeanine says, clacking away at her computer in the corner of the room.

I say nothing and remain still, my hands trembling.

"I will have someone escort you to the showers." She adds when she is finished typing.

I nod, unable to speak, still shaking from the anticipation of seeing Tobias again. _My Tobias_

The door to my cell opens, breaking my thoughts. In walks a tall young man, with a mop of thick black hair covering his eyes. His eyes are a deep green and look tired and exhausted.

"This Beatrice?" He asks, walking over to Jeanine.

"Just Tris," She replies, sounding tired. "And yes, it is."

He nods and walks over to me, untying the straps that are securing me to the metal table.

"I'm Jackson," He says bluntly.

He seems somewhat despondent, like he's done this hundreds of times. I just nod, in an attempt to avoid conflict.

As he unties the last strap securing my left ankle, I feel a rush of relief. I'm free.

He bends down to pick me up and I quickly move to the side and avert his hands. I'm strong enough on my own; I don't need some stranger carrying me out of the room, especially if it's not Tobias. He gives me a strange look, but continues to lead me out the door, careful not to touch me.

"Where are we going?" I ask as we are heading down a long, narrow corridor with brightly light, polished white walls. Everything is so sleek and modern here; it reminds me of the Erudite headquarters.

"I'm going to show you to the cafeteria first and then I will have someone else escort you to the bathroom and showers." He says nonchalantly.

I nod and keep walking, my knees and neck aching from lying down so long.

We take a left turn and I'm blinded by the polished metal tables in rows all around the room. Portraits of people's faces line the back wall, Edith, David, Jeanine and others I don't recognise.

"This is the cafeteria," Jackson says, "You will eat most of your meals here."

I nod and survey the rest of the area. Towards the left side of the cafeteria, I see several men dressed in white lab coats, their hair neatly swept to one side, eating bowls of steaming hot soup. My stomach growls. Jackson looks at me, and I feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"You will get to eat soon," Jackson says with a smile.

I nod and attempt to smile back, failing dismally.

"Come on." He says, leading me down another brightly lit hallway.

We reach the end of the hallway and see a young woman slouching against a wall.

She looks up as we approach and smiles, her short purple hair, framing her face. Her eyes are a dark brown and her ears are pierced all the way up. She looks so out of place here.

"Hi," she says, somewhat cheerily, "I'm Alaska."

She offers her hand and I gingerly accept, shaking it a little too hard.

Something about her voice and her facial features tells me that I know her, that I've seen her before. Everything about her feels familiar.

"I'll be showing you to the bathroom and showers." She says again.

I nod.

"Thanks, Alaska," Jackson says uneasily, "I'll be heading off now, make sure she gets back to her cell in one piece."

Alaska laughs, "Will do." She says.

Jackson smiles and walks off, his footsteps shaky and unsteady.

Alaska looks at me, and I look back.

"So, Beatrice, is it?" She asks

"Just Tris." I reply

"Tris," She smiles, "I like that."

I just nod.

"Well, Tris," She says, "Is there anything you want to see before I take you to the showers and then back to your cell?"

 _Tobias_ , I think instantly, but push the thought aside, knowing it is silly and childish.

I shake my head.

"Ok then," She says, her face tightens microscopically. "Let's go."

She leads me down the rest of the corridor and I can't silence the nagging feeling in my chest of familiarity. I must know her from somewhere. Did I see her in the Erudite headquarters? Was she in Dauntless? That would explain the hair and piercings.

I'm focusing so much on trying to figure out where I have seen her, that I don't even notice where Alaska is taking me.

We have taken a left turn and are heading down a corridor that is darker than the others. The walls are older and slightly muddy with dirt marks that line the bottom of the skirting boards. Alaska's footsteps quicken and I start to grow worried. Where is she taking me?

She looks up, as if she is searching for something and keeps walking, her footsteps quick and determined. I stop suddenly and she turns to look back at me.

"Where are we going?" I demand.

She looks at me with sympathetic, pleading eyes and says, "Not yet, Tris, I'll tell you when we are a bit further up." The look in her eyes tells me to agree, but I won't let this strange, somewhat familiar woman take me somewhere without my consent.

I look at her with hard eyes, "No," I say firmly, "I need to know where I'm going."

She looks back at me with a torn expression and exhales slowly.

"Fine," she says taking a brief look around before continuing, "I am here to help you Tris, to get you out of this place so you can see Tobias again and have a life outside this horrid establishment."

I stare at her, stunned. I was not expecting that.

She continues, "Jeanine is never going to let you go, Tris, whatever she tells you is a lie, and no one deserves to live their whole life here, with everyone thinking they are dead."

My head is spinning, how does she know so much about me? How does she know about Tobias, about what Jeanine plans to do, about my fake death?

"How do you know all this?" I ask.

"It doesn't matter," she says, looking at the ground.

"Yes it does matter," I say sternly, "I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me who you are and why I should trust you."

She stays quiet for a few seconds, considering her answer.

"I'm Nita's sister." She says quietly.

My eyes widen, that's why she looks so familiar.

"Nita felt bad about messing with your and Tobias' relationship back in the bureau and when she heard about your fake death, she felt she had to make things right." She states.

I feel as though I couldn't be any more surprised, but I am. I stand there, unable to speak. Nita? Trying to help me? The thought seems unbearable, why would she feel bad about something she didn't really do? Maybe she did more than I thought she did.

"We don't have much time, Tris," Alaska says, "I have to get you out of here."

She takes my arm and we start to make our way down the corridor, our footsteps fast.

"Stop right there!" Someone shouts not far behind us.

My blood freezes and I look at Alaska, who has already pulled out a gun and started shooting at whoever it was who told us to stop. I hear a scream and Alaska falls to the floor clutching her leg which is now pouring out blood.

"Alaska!" I scream.

She winces and shoves a piece of crumpled paper in my hand, "Go Tris!" she yells.

I shove the piece of paper in my pocket; grab her arm and sprint down the hall, not looking back.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

Tris

I sprint down the hall, grabbing Alaska's sticky left arm, smearing blood all over my hands. She groans as we turn the corner, clutching her leg in pain.

"No Tris, you'll never make it." She moans.

"Yes we will." I reply sternly, grabbing the piece of crumpled paper out of my back pocket.

I stop for a short minute and unfold it carefully. It is a map of the compound, marked with the routes to take in order to escape. All cameras are marked in blue and routes in red. I hold the map in front of my face and keep running, taking a turn up ahead and ducking slightly where a camera is said to be marked. Alaska groans some more, putting pressure on her leg in an attempt to stop the bleeding. I run down the next corridor, avoiding the cameras and lean her up against the wall.

"What are you doing?" She says croakily, running her hands through her fringe, smearing her once purple hair with streaks of dark red.

I tear a piece of my white gown off the bottom and begin to tie it tightly around her leg, causing her to stifle a scream.

"This is going to hurt." I say quietly.

She looks at me with both fear and admiration in her eyes and I help her up. Her eyes water as I hoist her arm over my right shoulder and take a step forward. She moans again, clenching her teeth and holding her leg. I see the pain in her eyes, but silently will her forward, quickening my steps. She gets the message and grabs the map from my hands, reading the directions out to me.

"There are two corridors up ahead," She says breathlessly "Take the one on the left and duck halfway."

I nod, and speed up my steps again. Alaska looks as if she is going to burst into tears or pass out or both, but we have to keep going.

We reach the end of the hallway and take the corridor on the left, but as we duck halfway, Alaska screams and falls to the floor.

I go to help her up again but without a word, her eyes roll back into her head and she collapses in a heap on the grimy tiles.

I scan the map once more, there is just a few more turns until we reach the exit.

I remember how Four carried me in the Erudite headquarters and hoist Alaska onto my back, her lifeless body slumping over my left shoulder.

I untie the cloth around her leg and tie it around both of our waists, securing her onto my back and half walk and half jog to the end of the hall. Each stride is a struggle, but I know we must keep going; otherwise I'll be stuck in this hell forever.

Alaska's head bounces lifelessly on my shoulder; she will have a few bruises when she comes to. I look at the map, there are three corridors left.

After more ducking and turns, I hear Alaska groan. Her head lifts off my shoulder and she jumps, throwing me off balance.

"Tris?" She asks groggily.

"Alaska." I say.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to escape." I reply.

She pauses for a moment and I take another turn down a slightly better lit hallway, the light throws me off a little, but I keep going, ducking when necessary.

"Why didn't you leave me back there?" She asks after a while.

This girl is full of questions.

"I couldn't," I say. "You risked your life for me and your sister, so I did the same for you."

I feel her nod and I stop for a moment, untying her from my waist and setting her down. She struggles to stand, her knees wobbling and I put her arm around my shoulders and keep walking.

The last turn marked leads to an emergency exit. At the end of the hall is a dull green light, but other than that, the corridor is pitch black. I look down at the map, there are said to be six cameras. I stop suddenly and Alaska looks at me with a confused look on her face.

"We are going to have to crawl to the exit." I say.

"Are you crazy, Tris? I can't crawl in a state like this!"

"Either crawl or be caught." I reply harsher than I intended.

I see her nod and set her down carefully. She winces as she puts more weight on her injured leg and I hear a muffled groan.

I crouch down also and tell her to get on my back.

She looks at me puzzled.

"Tris, no," She says, "I can't ask you to do that."

"It wasn't a suggestion." I reply as I hoist her onto my back.

It was a lot easier to carry her while standing and when she sits on top of me, I feel as though I'm going to cave and fall flat on my face. I take a deep breath in and continue to walk – crawl – to the exit, taking each step carefully and slowly. Alaska sits tall and I notice a blinking red light, a camera, not far ahead.

"Alaska," I hiss, "Get down."

She bends down and hugs my chest, her head lying in between my shoulder blades.

I feel her breaths, short and sharp, against my neck. She is scared.

"Good," I say in an attempt to be soothing.

I feel her nod, her hair tickling the back of my neck.

I keep crawling, each step getting harder when my hand hits something sharp. I wince and stop for a microsecond, trying to see my hand in the darkness. The pain is almost blinding, but then I remember Alaska, how she risked her life for me, how strong she has been and I keep going, holding my hand to one side, keeping the injured side from touching the ground.

"Tris, are you ok?" Alaska asks in a hushed voice.

"Yes," I reply breathlessly.

I look up, my vision blurry at the edges and see the dull green light getting closer and closer and I quicken the pace, careful not to place my injured hand on the tiles beneath me.

Alaska groans and I hear her whisper, "I can't do it Tris,"

"What? No, Alaska, we are almost there."

I hear her stifle a sob, "No, Tris, stop…I can't do it."

"We are almost there," I reply sternly.

"Tris stop!" Her voice wobbles.

"Alaska, you can make it." I say, determined to reach the exit.

"It's not that," She says, "It's… It's…"

Her sentence hangs in the air.

"What is it, Alaska" I'm angry now, the exit is so close.

"It's a trap." She says finally.

Everything inside me stops, and I set her down on the tiles, looking dead in the eye.

Tears run down her face and she stares at me.

"I'm so sorry, Tris, so so sorry." She shakes and sobs, her voice strangled.

I am unable to say anything, I was going to see Tobias, I was going to get out of this hell, and it was all a set up?

My blood boils and I look at her with hard eyes.

"I can't believe you did this to me," I say, my voice cracking, "You lied to me! You _lied_! I was going to see Tobias again, _my Tobias_ , and you tricked me into this foolish set up, leading me down halls, risking both our lives…"

"Tris, I'm sorry," She cuts me off.

"That means nothing!" I yell at her, "None of what you say means anything to me!"

She looks at me and nods. I stand up, wanting to be rid of her and forget the cameras surrounding us. A bright light comes on and I'm blinded. Sirens blare and I feel a hand grab my arm.

"Run." Alaska says.

And I do.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten

Tobias

Zeke and I spend the next few hours by the chasm, chatting as if we haven't spoken in years.

"How is your mom?" I ask after a while, my throat still scratchy.

"Fine," He replies, "She has been working at the parlour a lot lately, keeping herself busy."

I nod.

"I didn't know she worked at the parlour." I say after a while.

"Yeah, well…she does now." He replies heavily.

It must be hard on his family, losing their dad first and now their brother. We stand in silence for a while, watching the water splash violently against the rocks, the occasional spray of water wetting our ankles.

"We should go" I say, looking directly at the bottom of the chasm.

Zeke looks at me perplexed, "Go where?" He asks.

"To the parlour, get a tattoo." I say, surprised at myself. It is not like me to be this spontaneous.

He looks at me for a moment and a smile creeps onto his face.

"Let's do it." He says.

The Dauntless inside me takes over and we head down to the tattoo parlour, our footsteps fast and determined.

When we open the door, we are welcomed by a wave of heavy, rock music and blinding fluorescent lights; hung in sporadic places all through the parlour.

Hana greets us with a warm smile and I wave politely. Zeke and I decide to walk around and look at the different designs of tattoos; he looks somewhat indecisive, but I know exactly what I want.

I take a shaky step toward the counter and Hana looks up at me with tired eyes. I still feel uneasy without Tori's exhausted face, but greet Hana just the same.

"Four." She says with a smile.

"Mrs Pedrad." I say back.

"Oh please," She says, "Call me Hana."

"Will do." I say.

"Now, Four, what can I do for you today?"

"Just a tattoo thanks." I reply

"Indeed," She says, "But which one?"

I pause for a second before answering, "This one." I say stiffly.

She smiles as I hand her a template containing a single raven.

"Where shall I put it?" She asks again.

I answer without hesitation, "Right here." I say, tapping my left shoulder, my voice quaking a little.

She nods and fiddles with the needles beside her.

"Hey mom" Zeke says from behind me.

"Ezekiel." She says warmly, setting aside her equipment.

"Just this one, thanks." He says, looking at the ground and handing her his template.

Hana takes it with a soft hand and tears form in her eyes. On the template is a single dragon, slightly curled. Just like Uriah's.

"Where, son?" She asks, her voice shaking.

Zeke doesn't speak, but simply puts his finger behind his left ear; the same place Uriah had his.

Hana nods and swallows hard; shifting silently to the equipment.

I look at Zeke, feeling my eyes burn. This means so much more than I thought it would.

Getting these tattoos is not just a reckless, Dauntless action; it represents the people we left and who left us; our loved ones that will never return. But they will be forever in our hearts and we will wear them proudly, tattooed on our skin.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

Tris

Alaska sprints down a brightly lit hall with red lights and alarms blaring over the sounds system. She clutches my right arm, her fingers digging into my wrist.

"Left!" Alaska yells, panting.

I nod and sprint left, screaming and yelling not far behind us.

We head past series of cameras and alarms with red lights until we reach a dark and dingy corridor that leads to a small metal door, almost invisible.

"This way." She says, taking my hand and leading me down the alarm less hall.

I spot no cameras and hope for a minute; a second, that this is it. This is where the pain ends. This is where I will see Tobias, _my Tobias_ once more and be reunited after months of agony and heartbreak.

I swallow hard and follow her down the musty hall, reaching the end door with care.

"Here we go," She says, opening the small hatch.

A small breeze makes its way into my bones, causing me to shiver. I shake violently and look outside; it's night time.

"Ready?" She asks.

I swallow hard and nod. This is it. _This is it_.

My hear thumps in my chest and I take a step forward. Alaska sticks her hand out, stopping me from going any further.

"Wait," She says, placing her hand on my chest, "I'm sorry."

I look at the ground and nod, fighting back tears that weren't there a second ago.

"I really am," Alaska continues, "For…everything."

I let out a shaky breath.

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"That is why," She continues, "I should go first."

I look at her with wide eyes, " _What_?" I croak.

"I need to make sure the coast is clear and prove to you that I won't leave you behind, not again." She says it soothingly but stern; and I believe her.

I nod gratefully as she opens the hatch and takes a step forward.

She smiles at me before disappearing into the night and for a second my heart stops. Half dreading the fact that maybe she left me; maybe this is her way of tricking me into her going first; her way of escaping without me.

The other half of me, the Abnegation side, is worried for her. Worried that after all this, she could get shot, killed, _tortured_.

Adrenalin surges through me and I take a step out.

"Alaska!" I half shout.

"Shhhh!" She hisses, "Over here."  
I see her pale hand in the darkness, signalling me towards her.

A weight is lifted off me as I take it.

She is here; she is safe. And so am I.

 _We are out._

Tears drip slowly out of my eyes and down my cheeks. We are out. We are safe.

 _We are free._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

Tobias

Blood seeps into the bandage on my left arm, concealing my fresh raven tattoo, and trickles slowly down, dropping onto the floor below and staining my black t shirt. I reach my apartment and wince as I put my key in the front door, transferring it to my right arm instead of my left. I relish the pain as it reminds me of Tris; my Tris, and step into the sweet comfort of my apartment.

Throwing my keys onto my bed, I head to the bathroom and see the blood from before now in a hardened, slightly brown puddle on the floor. Blood. More blood. Everywhere.

Heading to the kitchen, I grab spray and paper towel and mop up the dry, sticky mess on the bathroom tiles. I scrub with both arms and have to clench my teeth to conceal a scream as pain shoots up my shoulder. It will be weeks before it's normal again.

In a haze of pain and exhaustion I peel of the bandage to look at the tattoo. I've seen it plenty of times before, but can't help looking at it because it reminds me of Tris; my Tris. So strong. So beautiful. I think of her short blonde hair that framed her face in gold, the ravens flying across her collarbone, her bravery, her severity; _her_.

Everything about her makes me wonder why. Why she had to leave me, _me_.

"Why?!" I scream at the top of my lungs to no one in particular.

To save the city. That's why. I replay the reasons over and over in my head, but none of it seems right. None of it seems fair. Tears of anger, desperation and pain slide down my cheeks as I remember more and more of her; her willowy figure, her beautiful face, her gorgeous greyish blue eyes that I so easily got lost in, _her_.

I stagger to the bed, leaving a trail of blood from where I carelessly left my tattoo without a bandage, tie a black t shirt tightly around the raven and fall aimlessly into my pillow. If I sniff hard enough, I can just smell her. My Tris. Gone forever.

 **Very short sentimental chapter - sorry everyone :)**

 **The next chapter will be more significant and exciting**

 **~ hazelrothprior**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen

Tris

"Are you crying, Tris?" Alaska says, her voice a hushed whisper.

I swallow, attempting to sound normal when I respond, "Yes." I croak softly.

"Me too," Alaska says, squeezing my arm, her face now shining in the moonlight, "This way" she says, turning off the torch and pulling me forward.

Her footsteps are strong and determined, despite being shot not that long ago. My hand stings and a look down, seeing a pool of blood gathering in my palm. I grab the hem of my once pure white gown and wrap it tightly around my wound, attempting to stop the bleeding for a short while.

I look up just in time to avoid a towering branch and clench my teeth to hold in a scream of shock.

"Tris? Are you okay?" Alaska asks, stopping briefly and looking me in the eyes.

"Yes," I answer firmly, suddenly determined to keep moving, "Let's keep going."

Alaska nods and tightens her grip on my arm, pulling me forward. She seems to know the way well and I don't stop to question her, all I can think about is Tobias. So strong. So hansom; my Tobias. I single tear rolls down my face and I smile. Soon. Soon he'll be mine again. Soon I'll smell the wind on his chest and feel his fingers curled tightly in my hair. I quicken my footsteps and so does Alaska, our pace turning into a slow jog.

"Left." Alaska says breathlessly.

I look left and see the marsh, empty but there; just like it was months ago.

I hold in a scream of pleasure and break into a run, leaving Alaska behind me. She quickly catches up and grabs hold of my arm.

"You don't know where you are going," She hisses, "Stay with me."

I nod, but keep my pace the same.

"But I do know where I'm going." I say.

"I know, but things have changed, it's dangerous and after all this, I don't want you to get hurt." She replies firmly but with some warmth.

I stare straight ahead and keeping running, slowing my pace slightly, my bones starting to ache.

We approach the fence quickly, but before I can even register, Alaska grabs me and heads a different direction, behind an old and rusted advertisement sign that has fallen down, weeds growing all around it.

"Okay," She says quietly, "I didn't mean to scare you, but this is important."

Despite her reassurance, I still find her words chilling and somewhat hard to trust.

"I just wanted to warn you, if something happens to either of us; don't say anything." I stare at her in confusion, where is she going with this?...

She must notice my confused look despite it being pitch black because she adds, "I mean if I get shot and fall or vice versa, don't scream, shout, yell or anything, because everyone thinks you're dead, right?"

I nod.

"And if they are shooting us, then they are on the team of the people trying to examine and kill you, so if you or I scream, they will know that you have escaped and will come after you with more force."

I pause and think, letting the information sink in. She's right. I am wanted. I am essential for their plans, and if they find me, it's the end. I can't and won't let that happen.

"I understand." I say.

She nods and is about to get up when I grab her arm to stop her.

"But, Alaska…" I say, "Thank you. If…if anything does happen to you, or me, I just want to say thank you, for…everything."

She nods, tears forming in her eyes and pulls me into a hug. When she lets go, just seconds later, she finds her feet and we emerge from behind the sign.

"Let's go." She says and I nod, but this time it's me who grabs her hand and leads her to the fence, both of us running, our footsteps almost silent.

We get closer and closer and I smell the Amity orchids, along with rotting fruit that has fallen and not yet been cleaned up. Slowly, the feeling in my legs leave me and all I'm doing is running, toward Tobias, toward safety, toward freedom. Towards life.

Alaska and I both tighten our grip on one another and sprint forward, the fence now in full view. I hear her breathing. I hear my breathing. Both heavy. Both determined. Both almost synchronised. I hear dry grass and leaves crunching beneath our feet. I hear the wind rushing past us. I hear Alaska cough and I hear a gunshot. I feel Alaska's hand leave mine and fall in a heap beside me. I remember what she said and take every ounce of strength I have not to scream.

I bend down, grabbing her face in mine and look in her eyes, the life in them almost gone. I try and help her up, but she doesn't move. I attempt to find where she was shot, but with no success.

Panic rises within me and I search harder, looking in every possible place, hearing her breathing grow slower and slower by the second. Tears pool in my eyes and it is then I realise that she is too far gone, beyond repair; beyond saving. Two more gunshots whiz past and I start to sob silently, she nods and in seconds the life leaves her eyes, her face going limp and flopping onto the grass. Another gunshot whizzes past and I get to my knees.

Tears slip down my cheeks and wet my hands as I grab the gun from Alaska's pocket.

"Thank you." I whisper before getting up and sprinting toward the fence in full force, forgetting the pain in my hand, my chest, my bones; forgetting all the pain and discomfort and propel myself forward, tears streaming down my face faster than anything. The gunshots have stopped, but I don't feel comfort or the urge to stop myself before I reach the Abnegation sector, several miles from the fence. I've always felt at home here.

I race around the corner of what appears to be a vacant home and collapse against the stone wall and neatly trimmed grass. I drop the gun and sob into my hands, a mixture of tears and blood smearing all over my face. Almost safe. Almost there.

Almost home.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

Tris

My eyes start to fall shut and the pain returns in my hand, so severe it almost blinds my vision. _Tobias._

 _Tobias!_

But where? Where do I go? Is he meeting me somewhere? Or is he just at Dauntless? The questions whirl around in my head faster than ever and I attempt to think straight. _Tobias._ I think of the flames curling over his chest, the factions climbing up his spine; _Tobias._

I get up without hesitation and block out everything. _Tobias. Tobias. Tobias._

With each footstep I think of him. _Thump. Thump. Thump. Tobias. Tobias. Tobias…_

I hear the train coming through the city and stop. I can't take the train. Unless it is entirely empty; they'll find me. Everything in my head stops just for a moment as I think; how will I get into Dauntless without a train? I need to get onto the roof. I need to jump. I need to. I _must._

I race toward the train, my footsteps fast and determined, not slowing, not stopping. _Tobias._ My footsteps quicken as the sound of the train grows louder and louder. I hear it slide against the metal rails and think of Tobias. How he has helped me onto the train countless times before; not resting until I was safe.

I step forward and jump, ramming my ribs into the side of the carriage, my legs dangling over the edge. I inhale sharply, attempting to dull the immense pain shooting through my entire body and push myself up into the cart. A quick glance and I'm safe. _Empty._

I crawl over to the corner of the carriage and sit with my back against the wall, listening to the comforting sounds of the train gliding effortlessly toward its destination. Toward my destination. Toward Tobias.

I smile as tears run down my face, wetting my cheeks and hands and think of him. _Us._ Together again. My lips on his, his arms in mine. Everything the way it was.

Sitting for what feels like hours, I stand, ignoring the pain in my chest; my hands; my back, and look outside the carriage. I see the roof approaching. _Dauntless._ _Tobias!_

I muster all the strength I have and move to the back of the carriage, preparing myself to jump. I sprint forward and feel my feet leave the ground, leaving me weightless for seconds, before I plunge into the gravel floor on the roof. I fall, instantly rolling away from the edge and smile. _Home._ Pain shoots through me and I stand, walking toward the whole in the ground and look down, seeing the net I have seen so many times before, there waiting. _Don't think; just jump._

I leap off the platform and sore toward the net below, landing before I can even register where I'm going.

The ropes hit me and I am winded, struggling toward both breath and the end of the net before someone finds me. I reach the edge and haul myself off, landing on the ground below with a thud. I fall to my knees and scramble toward the corner of the room, catching my breath and sobbing into my hands. _I'm here. I'm in. Almost there. Almost safe._

I wait for several minutes and catch my breath, calming myself and whipping my eyes. Adrenaline shoots through me and I stand, not pausing to walk or jog, but sprint toward Tobias' apartment. I race through the pit, passing a group of drunk Dauntless, too hazed to notice it's me; past the chasm, down the hall and stop; in front of his door. I stare at the number on it; 36 and take a deep breath. He is in there. _My Tobias._

I turn the nob which is surprisingly unlocked and step in, my footsteps shaky and unstable, my emotions too much to handle. There he is. There. In bed. Asleep, but there.

He is there, I am here. We are here. _My Tobias._

"Tobias." I whisper.

And he looks at me.

"Tris," He says, standing quickly and making his way toward me, "No…"

"Yes." I say, choking on my own words.

"No..." He says, "It can't be, it's the pain, a simulation…something."

"No, Tobias," I say, taking his hands in mine, "It's reality."

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes and kisses me.

And I kiss him back.


	15. Chapter 16 - The Final Chapter

Chapter 16 – The Final Chapter

Tris

He kisses me so hard it hurts and for minutes we stand there, our body's heavy with exhaustion. Everything seems to float away and all that's left is us. I breathe him in, slowing down my speeding heart rate and savour this moment, one I've dreamed of for so long. He is here. I am here. _Tobias_.

His tongue slides over my bottom lip and a shiver, sliding mine into his. He moans against me and I feel his heart rate pick up. My arms slide up his arms and I stop, feeling the wet fabric on his shoulder.

I pull back and he stares at me, as if analysing if I'm real or a dream, and if I'm being honest with myself, I'm doing the same thing.

He stares down at me with his deep, dark blue eyes which I've found myself lost in so many times before.

"What happened?" I ask, while pawing at the fabric.

He frowns at me but then a small grin creeps onto his face,

"Let me show you," He says.

I let go of his arms and he steadies me while I regain balance. He takes my hand in his and leads me over to his bed. _Our_ bed.

We sit and I fight every urge inside of me not to bury my face in his sheets, to lose myself in his scent. _Tobias_.

He slowly unties the fabric on his arm, which turns out to be an old shirt, and places it carefully on the bed beside him.

I stare at it was is underneath for a few moments before it escapes me,

"Oh, Tobias." I say, feeling tears spring into my eyes.

He smiles at me and wipes away a small tear that starts to make its way down my cheek.

"It's beautiful," I say breathlessly, looking at the single raven that flies across his shoulder, just a little large than one of mine.

"It's fresh," He says quietly, "I couldn't…I can't…" He chokes up.

"Shhhh." I say, making my way onto his lap and nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck that was made for me.

His arms tighten around me as he speaks, "I couldn't make it without you, Tris," He states, "I needed a piece of you, something…" I feel a drop of water land on my forehead and I look up at him. He's crying.

"Hey," I say, he looks into my eyes, "I'm here now."

I have to swallow to stop myself from sobbing and I grab his face in my hands. I see his face lighten as he accepts my words and he leans in close.

"And I'm never letting you go." He says firmly.

I nod and we lay side by side on his bed, breathing each other's breathes and seizing each other's warmth, until neither of us can keep our eyes open.

Just before I drift out of consciousness, I feel him kiss me. I kiss him back with whatever energy I have left and I can tell he's doing the same. His breathing slows to almost nothing and so does mine, becoming uniformed as it does every night when we sleep, but his lips don't leave mine and I lay there, falling asleep to the rise and fall of his chest, his lips encased in my own.


	16. Chapter 17 - A possible continuation

Chapter 17 – A possible continuation

Tris

I lie still next to him, my hand encased in his.

"Tobias." I whisper.

He looks at me with his dark blue eyes that flash with a flicker of concern.

"Yes, Tris?" He asks somewhat cautiously.

I give a small laugh at the concerned look on his face, "I love you." I say.

His face softens and he smiles at me, "I know," He says, "I love you too."

He leans over to kiss me and I let him, pressing my swollen lips against his, causing a small moan to escape from his lips.

I pull back and he looks at me sheepishly before kissing each of my tattoos slowly, pressing his warm lips against me. After kissing the first one he pulls away and looks me in the eye, "I never finished doing this, you know." He says, his voice shaking a little.

I think for a moment before answering him, "I know." I say with a heavy sigh, remembering that morning, the last one we had together.

"I'm going to finish what I started." He says firmly.

"Okay." I whisper, as he starts to kiss my second tattoo, the warmth of his lips sending sensations of heat jolting through my collarbone. I sigh and he tightens his grip around my waist, moving on to the third tattoo.

My whole body tingles and I shift my head slightly, kissing the raven on his left shoulder.

"I love you." He whispers, pulling back again.

"I know you do," I say, resting my head in the crook of his neck, "I love you too."

He sighs deeply, as if letting out an insurmountable amount of built up stress over the past couple of minutes.

"Tobias?" I ask.

He looks at me again, this time not concerned, but staring at me as if I'll disappear at any moment, as if trying to keep me secured in one place with the power of his stare.

"What's wrong?" I ask, just knowing something is amiss.

He stares at me for a while, either thinking of what to say of if he should say it.

"I…" He pauses and looks me directly in the eye, firmly taking hold of my hand and running his fingers down the back of it.

"I want to know if you're ready to talk about what happened…all of this time, I…" He takes a breath to stop his voice from shaking.

"If you never want to talk about it, I understand, I just…I want to know what happened to you, you're frail and…weak and…still unbelievably beautiful, but…"

He stops again and tightens his grip on my hand.

"I need to know what it was that hurt you and if you're okay." He says finally, his chest lowering noticeably.

I look at him for several minutes before he snaps me out of the unnatural daze I let myself fall into.

"Tris?" He asks softly

"Sorry," I say, "I just…" I don't know what to say…how to answer the question he asked.

"You're not ready." He says.

"It's not that…" Maybe it is, "I…just don't know how"

"Okay." He says, obviously seeing the pain in my eyes, as the concerned look is back.

I never want to relive what I went through, I would do anything to have it erased from my memory.

I shudder and huddle into Tobias, images of the research facility flooding into my mind all at once. Alaska. Jeanine. The cafeteria. The simulations. Alaska's death.

"Tris?" I hear Tobias pulling back from me, a worried tone in his voice.

"Tris, what is it?" He says, whipping away tears I didn't even know were there.

"I'm not ready." I admit, choking on my own sobs.

"Tris, I'm…I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up, I…" He starts.

"No," I say, swallowing the next sob that threatens to choke me, "It's okay."

"No, it's not, I'm sorry…I won't bring it up again." He says, holding me tighter and letting me sob silently into his chest.

"Okay." I whisper.

He kisses the top of my forehead and cradles me in his arms, stroking my matted hair as I wet his chest his tears.

 **Hi everyone! Sorry for any errors in this chapter,**

 **Please tell me if you like this chapter and if you think it would be a good idea for me to continue writing**

 **I'm still** **undecided**

 **Thanks! ~ hazelrothprior**


	17. Chapter 18

Chapter eighteen

Tobias

I pat her hair as tears leak from her eyes, not making a point of stopping. This. I did this to her.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, hearing my own voice crack.

"Don't be." She chokes back.

Nothing she says will change what I have done. I left her. I left here alone that night and the unthinkable happened to her.

Her sobs sing into my bones and rattle my body with despair; how can I have possibly let this happen? Let my Tris out of my sight so far that harm can easily reach her. Never again will I make that mistake.

I feel her breath slowing and terror grips my heart.

"Tris?" I whisper.

"Yes?" She murmurs back.

I let out a sigh of relief, she's alive.

"Go to sleep." I say.

"Okay."

She nestles into me and I hold her tight until she drifts away. Slowly, I inch myself out from under her and place her head carefully on the pillow.

My arm throbs with pain and I remember Tris uncovering my tattoo. I wince and look in the third draw to try and find a fresh bandage.

Bleach white catches my eye and I carefully remove the bandage from the draw, as not to disturb my left arm and wrap it tightly around my shoulder.

I hear Tris stir and race over to her immediately, stroking her hair to calm her. The stirs grow louder and she starts to groan, her legs moving side to side. I climb in bed beside her and she begins kicking and screaming, tears racing down her face.

I wrap my arms around her to keep her still but the screams get louder, the tears more constant and the kicking more violent.

"Tobias!" she screams, "Tobias!"

"Tris." I say, wrapping her in my embrace, "Tris, I'm here."

"Tobias!" she yells again, kicking harder and harder.

"Tris!" I say back, my heart aching. She is hurting and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

"Tobias!" she screams, louder this time.

"Tris!" I yell, shaking her awake, "Tris, what's wrong?"

I'm panicking, shaking her and jolting her side to side.

All of a sudden the kicking stops and she jerks awake, her breaths hard and fast.

"Tris." I say, feeling tears slip out of my eyes.

"Tobias." She whispers, wrapping her arms around me.

"You…you…" I can't finish my sentence.

She nods and nuzzles into me, her breaths slowing slightly.

"I know." She says, "It'll be over soon."

Maybe, I think. But that doesn't erase what just happened.

 **Sorry again for any errors ~ hazelrothprior**


	18. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Tobias

"Tobias…" I feel Tris' soft hands shaking me awake, to which I groan and face the other way; feeling her breath tickle the side of my neck.

"Five more minutes…" I say absentmindedly.

She leans over me, her hands brushing lightly over my hip and kisses me, sending electricity jolting through me. Her tongue intertwines with mine and I let out a soft moan, slowly shaking the strings of tiredness from my body.

A smile plays across her lips; god, I love that smile.

"I knew that would work." She says softly.

I smile and kiss her back, only this time harder as I am more awake. She pulls back for air and I wrap my arms around her.

"Morning." I say, glad to have this back. My Tris. Every morning. Every night. Every day.

"Morning." She says back, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Sleep well?" I ask.

Her face falls and she looks down, fumbling with her fingers as they catch nervously around her thumb. Dread floods through me; she had another nightmare.

"You should have woken me." I say firmly, hearing the ferocity in my voice and instantly regretting the tone of which I used.

She looks at me somewhat startled and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, she needs care right now; not a fierce instructor, "I just…It's my job to protect you, and I can't do that if I'm asleep."

"I know." She whispers, looking deep into my eyes.

"I love you." I say.

"I know," She says, "I love you to."

I squeeze her tight and kiss her neck slowly, savouring the warmth of her skin and the small shiver of her fingers as they grip my sides. My eyes fixate on the first tattoo; the black ink staining her collarbone and kiss it lightly, pressing my lips against her with ease. She shivers as I continue my decent and moans softly in my ear as I tighten my grip on her hips.

"Tobias." She whispers.

"Yes?" I say, before kissing the second tattoo carefully.

"I think…" She looks pained and the happiness that was there before slowly disappears.

"What is it?" I say, pulling back; instantly full of fear and regret, I shouldn't have touched her like that so suddenly.

She resumes her position of nervousness; her thumbs intertwining with her other fingers as she looks down into her lap. I grab her hands and encase them in mine.

"What is it, Tris?" I ask softly.

She breathes heavily and looks into my eyes, as if searching for an answer.

"No one knows I'm alive except you." She says finally.

My stomach churns and I see the confusion mixed with pain and anxiety in her eyes, slowly excepting her emotions as my own.

"I…" I begin, but she silences me, pressing her smooth, pale fingertip against my lips.

"Not now…" Tears spring in her eyes, sending a jolt of panic through me, "I have to show you something."

I nod, swallowing a lump in my throat I didn't even know existed and trying to calm my shaking hands.

She untangles herself from me and slowly removes her tatted nightgown, wincing as she does so. I sit puzzled, wondering what she is doing as she slips the stained cotton over her gorgeous little face. It's not long before I'm confronted, but when I see it; scars, bruises, cuts and scratches, her ribs, sticking out, purple and red blotches forming all over her stomach and thighs; a small noise escapes me, one that is a mix of pain for my Tris – my beautiful Tris – now ripped to pieces in front of me and anger toward who or what caused her the agony of which gave her these awful scars.

"Oh Tris…" I say, the words catching in my throat. My beautiful Tris, still beautiful, but damaged and covered in wounds sits unsteadily in front of me; shaking all over. It takes all I have to resist throwing my arms around her; it would just hurt her.

"Tobias…" She starts, "I'm okay, I promise."

Her words puzzle me more than anything, "No, Tris…you're not okay," I feel tears slipping down my cheeks and I have no intention of stopping them, "I let this happen to you, I went to the city when I should have stayed with you…I didn't protect you when I should have, you…they hurt you Tris, I…"

She throws her arms around me and sobs; her small frame shaking and jittering for several minutes before she calms herself, whipping her tears and mine.

"Tobias," She says, regaining composure, "I'm okay."

Obviously seeing I don't believe her, she grabs my hand in hers.

"I'm safe now, here with you, I'll be back to health before you know it and training initiates alongside you…things will only get better now that I'm with you again."

I nod and am about to help her with her nightgown when she stops me.

"No…" She says, looking down again, "It reminds me too much of…"

She chokes up and I stop her.

"I understand," I say, getting up and finding her the smallest shirt and shorts I own and passing them to her, "We'll go shopping for better clothes, I promise." I say, handing them to her gingerly; regretting burning her clothes with her 'remains' all these months ago.

She giggles lightly and puts the clothes on. They look a little silly; the faded black shirt loose and baggy and the shorts barely fitting around her small waist; but she is still the beautiful Tris I laid my eyes on when she first hit the net. She bunches the shirt with her fist and breathes in.

"I like them." She says with a shy smile.

"I love you." I say, hugging her lightly, as to not hurt her.

She hugs me tight and wraps her arms around my waist, placing her hands into the back pockets of my shorts, "I love you too."

 **Sorry for the coding mistake before guys and any mistakes that may still be present**

 **~ hazelrothprior**


	19. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Tobias

I feel her soft hands slide into my back pockets and I shiver.

"I love you too." I whisper back to her, twisting a finger through her short, golden hair.

She is about to kiss me when I hear a soft knock at the door. Tris hears it too, as her eyes go wide.

"What do we do?" She asks hoarsely, searching my face for answers.

I look down at my lap, then up at her gorgeous face and say firmly, "Stay here."

She nods and removes her hands from me and I get up, taking a shaky step toward the door. My trembling hands find the door knob and I unsteadily pull it open.

I open it just a crack big enough to see outside, but not enough to see inside, and see a hysterical Christina standing in front of me.

"I…I had a…" She can't finish her sentence and throughs her arms around me, sobbing into my chest.

I'm stunned at the sudden guesture and fall backward, swinging open the door. I hear Tris gasp and before I can find the edge of the door and kick it closed Christina removes herself from me.

I tense immediately, waiting for her reaction, but all she does is apologise.

"Sorry," She says, wiping her sleeve across her face and straightening up, "I…"

Her eyes wonder from me and lock onto her.

I see everything in her face collapse and her eyes widen so much, I'm afraid they'll fall out of her head as she looks from me to Tris.

"Is that…" She's lost for words and I hear Tris stand from behind me. I turn to face her, but she is already by my side, embracing Christina in a hug that seems to last forever.

"It's me." Tris whispers, in a voice that does not sound like her own.

"No…" Christina says, clearly stunned.

"Yes." Tris replies, choking back tears.

"Oh, Tris!" She throws her arms around her and I place my arms around Tris' waist to stable her.

I feel Tris wince and fight every urge not to remove Christina from her.

Tris seems to get the memo and backs away slightly, standing and facing Christina, wiping tears from her face.

For a minute we all stand there in silence; not sure what to do or say.

"How long…" Christina tries to compose herself, but is left lost for words once again.

"Last night." Tris says softly.

Christina just smiles and grabs her hand.

"You're home." She says, her eyes shining.

"Yes," She says breathlessly, locking eyes with me for a moment then looking back to Christina, "I'm home."


	20. The last chapter :(

Thank you all for reading my story – Chapter 19 was unfortunately my last chapter…

I hope you all enjoyed my writing and I may post more in the future :)

~ hazelrothprior


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